Why it’s sometimes hard to see the “such sweet kids” you tell me I have- and why I so appreciate your praise for them
My kids have been socialized since the day they were born. Literally. We wasted no time passing them off to friends and family to be held and loved on. They knew the feeling of changing arms and shoulders right away. Even now we take our girls with us to events, gatherings, church, and even with us to youth group to hang with the big kids while we serve as youth leaders. Our kids go shopping with us, eat at restaurants with us, wreak mass havoc (or so it seems sometimes) wherever we go, and generally just participate in normal activities.
That’s great and all. They are terrific kids and we are fortunate to be able to get them out in the world.
But…. it is HARD!
It’s hard to keep my energetic 2 year old-who wants to interact with everything and everyone she sees- under control. It’s hard to juggle a carseat or double stroller around in a busy parking lot or stumble into the doctor’s office for a check-up when you are alone. It’s hard to find food they can eat that you don’t feel guilty for later: sometimes McDonalds is the only place you can take them where people won’t mind if they go berserk while you try to feed them.
It’s also hard to avoid all of the public hassle and stay home. Staying home is messes. Home is toys everywhere and Crayola crayon on the stairs because limiting artwork to paper is just boring. Home is looking at all of the chores that you aren’t getting done because one is screaming and the other will gladly “help” you unfold the last thirty minutes of folded laundry.
Being a parent and seeing the payoff for your efforts is even hard.
There is such a mental dissonance between the unconditional and absolute love I have for my kids- and the frustration and anger I feel when looking at all of the things they are doing that I wish they would not.
I love them and because I love them, keeping after them and keeping up with them brings a measure of guilt and fear.
Do I yell too much? Was I too rough in that moment? Did she understand me when I apologized- I hope she knew I meant it. I will do better.
Am I doing enough? Am I enough?
Hard.
However, we are blessed by those same people who interact with our girls. They take them from us, even for a short time, and show them love, patience, and the kind of fun that they can’t always get at home. They are better behaved for people who aren’t us- or maybe they just seem much sweeter in short doses?
I feel sometimes that when someone approaches me and says, “Your daughters did great today! They are just the sweetest things.” that my replies tend to be surprised relief, or sarcasm.
“Oh good! I’m glad they can behave for somebody.” or “Great! We were worried after this morning that she would be trouble.”
In reality… I just struggle to see it. I know my babies are sweet, social, smiley, and truly fun when they are happy. But I, as mom, see the good get drowned by the crying, the messes, the tantrums, the never-ending chores, and the lack of breaks. For me, my girls demand my every last ounce of patience, love, and endurance sometimes. Like I said- hard.
HOWEVER… I NEEDED to hear that they were good for you if they were. I NEED to be reminded that my sweet babies are still precious humans with loving playful hearts. I NEED to see that I must be doing something right because they thrived for the short time I was gone.
Thank you for blessing me with those reminders. Thank you for praising my girls for the moments they are good, and for joining me in patiently correcting them when they are struggling.
If you have contributed to the care of my daughters, or have encouraged me and my husband in parenthood- we thank you. You are exactly what we need and you are helping us to be better parents. If you’re a parent struggling to see the ‘good’ in your kiddos behind the normal chaos of childhood- you are not alone and your commitment will be the thing that most supports your child.
It’s hard. But they really are still ‘the sweetest things.’
