“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you that.”
No, really. It’s okay! Yes, I very obviously still have the baby weight and stubborn belly fat that I put on during my second pregnancy. I might not be thrilled to be reminded that I still have the extra weight on my front, but I am absolutely NOT offended. Trust me I know I have a postpartum mom body that leaves me looking like I am expecting again, even if it isn’t my favorite thing to dwell on.
Unfortunately, I hear this regretful statement a lot. Perhaps even more-so because I have the privilege of working in a senior living community where the residents are so much like family that they genuinely care about how my life is going & what I am excited for! And its 100% okay even when it’s a bit embarrassing!
You are forgiven
First, to anyone who has ever leaned in and whispered “Are you pregnant again?” or “When’s the baby due?”- no hard feelings & thanks so much for asking! My kiddos are doing crazy new things everyday & your question opens the door for me to brag on them and whatever phase they are in. Also, I can see you mentally putting your foot in your mouth & I want to assure you that I get it! It really does look like I have another baby on the way. It’s all good! Also, if I did I would be super excited to share with you!
I don’t want to downplay or ignore the women out there who are silently fighting fierce emotional battles related to their bodies and childbearing: miscarriage, infertility, infant loss, and other health conditions that result in weight gain can leave a woman feeling raw and vulnerable and the state of her body is just another reminder of her pain. This is real, and it is important to acknowledge!
Those things aside, I think the issue many of us postpartum women have to face when it comes to this awkward situation is not the question or even the body condition, but the pressure to magically shed your baby weight and snap back into healthy-looking form right off the bat. It’s embarrassing when someone else points out the few extra pounds when I have a hard enough time pretending they aren’t there when I look in the mirror.
That’s stupid.
As a mom of a newborn my top priority is their wellbeing. My laser focus was on caring for my baby and soaking in all the love and cuddles, or (let’s be honest) grabbing every nap opportunity that came my way, that I struggled to find the motivation to care for myself too. The last thing I had time to do was suit up & go for a run or spend time making a complicated healthy meal every day. My babyweight was just not my primary concern, and so the postpartum mom body lingered.
This is NOT to say that anyone who prioritizes their health and fitness is foolish or to shame anyone for ensuring they carve out the time to make the person they see in the mirror into a healthy and happy human- but setting that as an expectation rather than a personal decision is unhealthy and unfair. It makes perfect sense to schedule in time to exercise, eat right, & maintain healthy habits especially while working through the postpartum period of hormone swings, breastfeeding, and physical healing! But honey quite frankly I didn’t feel like I had the energy or motivation to dedicate to those things.
I do struggle sometimes to look in the mirror at the clothes that used to be flattering on me and see them now making me look chunky and overweight. I loved the way some of my outfits accentuated my baby bump, but now that the ‘baby bump’ is from that ice cream I enjoy after a hard day it can be tough to avoid the guilt & longing to return to my pre-motherhood body.
It’s just postpartum weight. I’ll get there!
With a little time & effort maybe I will get back to a healthy-looking figure. Maybe I won’t. Either way, I appreciate everyone who reaches out and asks me if I am pregnant because I can see they want to express joy with me at the idea of new life. Full honesty, I really am not offended even if I can’t quite figure out how to express that assurance to people in the moment.
What have you tried to lose the baby weight and get rid of the postpartum mom body? And what are some ways you have learned to cope with the awkwardness of someone asking if you are pregnant?
