There is power in a sincere apology. It is grace. It is freedom. It is Christlike love. Mumbling the words is better than nothing, but it doesn’t fix the damage like the sincerity of a heartfelt apology. Similarly, a heartfelt apology falls short if it doesn’t include a core desire to be forgiven. For this reason, it is my hope that I can teach my children that when they make mistakes, the words “I’m sorry” alone just aren’t enough.
Forgive: To cancel a debt; stop feeling guilty or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw, or mistake.
Oxford dictionaries
The other day I watched my oldest daughter play a little too rough with her younger siblings and cousin. She didn’t specifically try to hurt them, but in her excitement she got carried away and it happened unintentionally. She is capable of understanding when she has done something wrong or hurt someone; in fact, she tried to hide her face which demonstrated the guilt and regret that show us she understood what she had done had caused them to cry. As any mom would probably do I asked her to tell them she was sorry. She didn’t want to, but with a little coaxing she did it anyway- as quickly and indirectly as she could.
Her “I’m sorry” felt very empty. Devoid of conviction and true sincerity. She said it to get out of trouble and not because her heart was compelling her to apologize.
It was in that instance that I had a moment of silent clarity. I don’t want my kids to just say they are ‘sorry’ and expect to be released from guilt and blame automatically just because the syllables passed their lips. I want them to understand the power of admitting you were at fault and experiencing the freedom that comes from seeking to make it right and being released from that burden. I want them to be genuine and sincere when they apologize, and to appreciate it when forgiveness is extended to them.
The Importance of Forgiveness
I consider it an important skill for my kids to learn as they grow. To forgive someone is to free yourself of the negativity that comes along with holding onto hurt or discontent with them, and also frees them to do better and be better without being held back by past mistakes. It is vital that we as humans can know when and how to forgive. Similarly, I want my kids to know the importance of asking for forgiveness when they have done wrong and for using the forgiveness they are granted to grow, do better, and be better.
The Larger Impacts of Forgiveness
Even Jesus repeatedly stressed the importance of forgiveness. In fact, for a Christian like myself the concept of repentance and forgiveness is an essential part of understanding our relationship with God. Our sins are FORGIVEN- grace has been granted to us for all of our wrongdoings, mistakes, and poor decisions! I think of Matthew 18: 21-35 where He tells the parable of the unforgiving servant. It illustrates well God’s mercy to us in freeing us from our sin, by portraying a master mercifully forgiving a servant his rather large debts to him, only to be angered when that same servant extends no mercy to a fellow servant for not paying up on a much smaller debt between them. God has forgiven our debt of eternal death for the freedom of eternal life and yet we often cannot extend this same forgiveness in much smaller scale in our own everyday lives.
Perhaps it is that we don’t fully understand it? It might be that we can’t see the eternal consequences of choosing not to forgive? Maybe if we were Gibbs-slapped upside the head by God everytime we choose selfishness we would do better.
It is my hope that my kids will know the weighted impact choosing to properly ask for forgiveness for wrongdoing, and also choosing to extend forgiveness even where it may not be deserved will have on their lives. I pray I am modeling forgiveness and repentance to them. Will they be familiar with the feeling of being gracious and kind to others because they saw their parents doing the same? Or will they struggle to do so since they never saw how it was done?
What Can I Do to Model Forgiveness?
I can start by coaching them through recognizing and apologizing for their mistakes and bad actions. I can help them practice grace by identifying and asking forgiveness for my own mistakes and bad actions, especially towards them. Done well, I can help my precious babies deeply understand the truly magnificent ways their God loves them by how much He has forgiven them. Maybe they will even be much better than me at paying that grace forward to others.
How are you demonstrating love, grace, and forgiveness to your kids? In what areas of your life is it hard to repent or forgive? Are you reflecting God’s mercy in how you face hurt or unfair circumstances?
If God is speaking into your heart today about apologizing, repenting, or extending forgiveness I would love to hear your story so I can pray alongside you!
Have A Great Day! -Faith❤️
